Transparency...

16 September 2024

I titled that like your run-of-the-mill shady influencer, well... because I wanted to. Those people are jokes. But I do have something to get off of my chest! I hope you, dear reader, can find it in your heart to forgive me! ~~sarcastic~~ I originally was really really drawn to making a site for a few different reasons. One being the endless possiblities (ummm, hello... naming all of my niche interests and thoughts through the gigabytes of stamps and blinkies I have hoarded!!) and well,,, the other being a site I had originally discovered through a Youtube video by: Debunk File](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNup3d9JnAc) . The site in question is called Death and Hell, (Extreme content warning- the site features a lot of gory, graphic or otherwise gross imagery. Proceed with a lot of caution) and it was created by a man called "Infek Bin Laden". As the video begins, you're creeped out, and ready to watch another strange internet mystery unfold ~~well as least if you're like me~~; the site is full of cryptic references to occultism and chaos magick; and well basically anything having to do with death & hell, if you couldn't tell already. Basically the whole kitten kaboodle for a true, early 2000s mysteriously scary site. Is it an arg? A secret message from a hidden cult?

But spoiler alert, as the video continues, and the story unravels, we come to find out the true identity of "Infek Shun" (lol), and his reasons for creating the site in the first place. I highly recommend watching the video if you want more insight on him. He created "Death and Hell" after he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He wanted to share his worldview after the fact, through a lens of satire and mystique, and criticism toward the way of the world.

"What was once one of the most off-putting and disturbing things I'd seen, suddenly is quite different. Don't get me wrong; lots of the subject matter is still very disturbing and darkness is one of the keys to this entire place. But everything certainly doesn't feel the same anymore when you really dig into the site again with the knowledge we have gained.... I can see how this site was a sarcophagus, the culmination of a love story- of life- of death- of comedy- of fear- of good- of evil and so much more.

Now, I have no feet in the doors of occultism and sex magick, but I do have one in the cancer door. Specifically the 'dying' part. Now, even people who haven't 'been there' know that the c-word is a very bad word, but even worse is THE T-WORD!. Terminal, that is. I don't usually throw that one out when I am telling people about my diagnosis, past, etc... Seriously I should be dead. This really has been a jarring thing to come back from, in many ways that it's actually hard to explain. It's like this big monster made of big dark smoky clouds that follows me around with thoughts of my mortality and the future I absolutely shouldn't have had. When Debunk Files revealed Infek's story and situation at the time of creating his site, I felt this kinship with him. I like what he did. Am I actively dying? ~~technically yes~~ No. I am not. But due to the absolute debilitation I faced and have continued to face and heal very slowly from, I guess I have this fear that -since I've been so close to being dead actually many times- I will finally have 'the big one', whatever that means, and die young, and have nothing to show for this ~gift~ of the second-chance to life I have been given. I also really enjoy joking about things that the "cancer muggles" (that isn't my term ~~fu jkr~~) usually are made uncomfortable by... e.g. blood and guts.

So behold, Alys Realm was born! ~~Well aksually I called it ShineyCats at first~~ I am a huge perfectionist, so I've definitely taken a lot of time to really just try to nail this site. It had to be just perfect if I somehow would expire before I accomplished some of my bigger goals; then it was a perfect capsule of the inner workings of my mind, and the things I loved. Basically like a 'legacy' project incase I finally went (back) to the warm darkness of a still heart. Which isn't a good mental state I think. But after a recent positive, yet emotionally charged, weekend with ~like minded people~, I've started to want to change the way I think about it. Life is an experience! There is no time for waiting; just as there is no rush to begin or to finish. I want this site to be it's own ecosystem; this living breathing organism! A sign of life just starting, rather than life eclipsing out.

SO, this is my 'coming clean' post, if you will. One step above the notes app apology, one step below the crying Youtube video. (I'm joking of course.) But really; I wanted to write this to sort of help me get over this mentality I have had, because it's definitely intertwined with the development and slow growth of this site thus far. It was nice to write this about myself yanno? If you've gotten this far, I hope you enjoy your day as it is right now! Live in the moment; considering you and/or I could die from a giant anvil whistling down from the sky literally tomorrow.